"But I am not ashamed; for I know whom I have believed and I am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until that day." 2 Timothy 1:12 (NASB)
I have been, by my own admission, a rather bipolar person when it comes to my spiritual walk. I have had marvelous mountain top experiences, only to find myself in the lowest of valleys digging a well. But I am convinced that the same grace that held me as I soared from the peaks, cradled me as I was tunneling in the valley. I was no more saved on the days when I was soaring than I was on the days I was tumbling, and I was no less saved when I was burrowing into the depths than on the days I was ascending. Schizophrenic in my walk at times, but always secure....."For I know whom I have believed and I am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until that day."
Most of us, if we are honest with ourselves, will admit that our journey has not always been a straight ascent to the spiritual perfection that we envisioned when the walk began. There are highs and there are lows. Some of the lows are self inflicted, some them are inflicted by others, and sometimes things just happen that cause the footings of faith to give way and the slide to begin.
As I prayed this morning, I contemplated these things. I questioned these things. I considered what I would, if it were possible, tell the young man that would become the person I am today, if I could speak to him at the beginning of the journey. After six decades of living, what advice would I pass on to him. As I begin to enjoy the sunset, what would I want to have known as I watched the sun rise on this excursion that would be my life.
To be sure, I would try to tell him the things he should do, as well as the things he should stay away from. I would outline the paths to take, and the routes to avoid. I would tell him those things knowing full well that they would be ignored for I have obviously lived with the DNA my younger self was dealt, and understand fully the challenge. The DNA that drives the compulsiveness, the self-sufficiency, and the rebelliousness. I have lived with the pride and ego that accompanies the human experience. So I would tell him, but knowing our nature, understanding all the while that they would largely be discounted.
I would tell him that the world will often hate him. Sometimes for things he has done. For not being the person he should have been. Other times for not allowing himself to be molded into something he wasn't created to be. But the world, for all it's attractions, would not be his friend. The world would make every attempt to persuade him to define himself by his actions. To define himself by the things he has done.....either good or bad. I would tell him that the prince of the world he would be traversing draws no greater thrill than causing him to label his identity by his mistakes. His enemy's greatest victory comes from persuading him that his identity lies in his failures. That he is defined by what he has done.
But then, I would place my hands on the sides of his face, look him squarely in the eyes, and with all the intensity that was in me tell him, "But listen.... 'I know whom I have believed and I am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until that day."
And then I would tell him that he was going to have a friend that was going to stick closer than a brother. I would tell him that friend was so intimately acquainted with him that he weaved the DNA that made him the person he was. For the designer's purpose alone, for the Creator's plan,and with his divine direction, that friend wove the strands that would form the mold of what made us who we are.
I would tell the younger me that it would be from that friend that he needed to draw his identity. When the world says that you are worthless, that friend says that you were worth him coming to earth to be nailed to a tree. When the world says that you are unlovable, that friend says that you are loved with the unconditional love of the Creator of all things. When the prince of this world whispers in your ear that you are the chief of all sinners, the King of Kings wraps his scarred hands around you and says that you are sinless. When the world tells you that you are lost, Christ smiles and reminds you that he is the one leading you home. He reminds you that he will never leave you or forsake you.
I would tell him these things hoping that he would spend more days listening to the truth from his Savior, rather than living with the identifiers placed on him by the world. Hoping that he would draw his worth from who he belongs to rather than the things he had done.
But then I would tell him that if he forgets everything else...if he takes some wrong paths....if he defines himself more by what the world says than what his Savior says. Even if he forgets all that I tried to tell him, I would tell him to write these words on his heart...."Never, ever, even on the darkest, most stormy of days forget that, 'I know whom I have believed and I am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until that day."
